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One Side: Beth

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She makes video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be involved. Sometimes she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend assisting her create material.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with another. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an viewers. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I hope Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the details, posting them with an audience that values the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my way of offering access, giving her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see the benefits the content we create together can get us: an opening. I understand not everyone enjoys being filmed, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes material genuine. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. I thought recording a clip here or there would be fun for Beth. Creativity thrives in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She needs to honor Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some real experiences, where true emotions are preserved, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem confused as to where the line is. The answer is not found in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their friendship?